I’ve discussed the women in my family having a “logic over emotion” mindset. This really bothered me growing up because I’m emotional; I need to feel your love for me. When I was a little girl, feelings and emotions weren’t something anyone discussed. My grandma, Dawn, and her mother, Aggie, were who I got my emotional “fix” from. Grandma Dawn and Grandma Aggie would hug and kiss me and tell me they loved me; I loved it.
In retrospect, I realize I loved it so much because it reminded me of my father. I’m emotional like him. The times I did spend with my dad, he made sure to let me know how much he loves me. That man would hug me really tight and kiss me soooooo many times and just look at me and smile; I hated it, I thought it was disgusting and weird. Lol. But I loved the fact that I was with one of my parents and he was showing me his love instead of just telling me he loved me.
In my blog post PEDESTAL, I discussed how appreciative I am for my mother. I loved spending time with her when I was younger, but that woman would show me 0 emotions. I would get a hug when I first saw her and when she was leaving, that’s it. I never felt emotionally disconnected from my mom though, I just thought she was weird or something. Lol.
Growing up, whenever I spent a night away from home, I had to call grandma twice a day; once in the morning and once at night. When mom returned to the states, I had to call her at least once a day. I used to be annoyed by this because nobody else in my circle had to do this. I reframed my thinking and realized how grateful I was to have these women care for me so deeply. After both of my car accidents, their care (and worries) increased greatly, especially mom’s.
My second car accident happened 4 months before I went to college. So when I got to college, instead of calling mom once a day, she told me she wanted me to call her in the morning and at night when I was back safely in my dorm room. I knew mom loved and cared for me, but that request showed me she had some emotions in her, somewhere. Lol. I was happy to only be an hour drive away from mom; I visited her almost every weekend. It would’ve been every weekend, but she told me I needed to enjoy college and stop going to see her so much. Lol.
When I began learning about triggers and childhood trauma in college, I decided to have a conversation with mom about her way of expressing emotions. I realized how non-emotional mom is, so I decided to “make” her show me love. I began being overly emotional and needy with her. Hugging her for long amounts of time until she gets annoyed (and still not letting go), laying under her while she reads, asking her to do things for me that I was definitely capable of doing on my own (like washing my hair or cooking), and requesting kisses (she reallllly doesn’t like that). I realized mom would act annoyed, but she had this look in her eyes that showed me she enjoyed every moment of my aggravation.
So when I saw these babies weren’t listening to their mom, I thought it was funny. I was reminded of how annoyed mom gets when I’m being silly and she’s being serious. I love aggravating my mom. I love being annoying. I love calling her 10 times a day to chat about something minor. What I didn’t realize until recently, though, is that my mom loves it, too.
Life Lesson:
· Love on your loved ones, they love it.
How I Apply it to My Life:
· I annoy mom often; in person, over the phone, on facetime, on social media – anywhere.
Song:
· Tupac Shakur – Dear Mama
If you know my mom, you she lovessssss Tupac Shakur.
SLIDESHOW: Mom & I.
3rd picture: Mom said I was born at 1:14 am, so i woke her up at 1:14 AM on my 19th birthday.
6th picture: I sent it to mom some years back captioned “I’m taking a nap with your favorite blanket, it’s comfortable”. Lol.